Every item blessed by Pastor Dale personally. Or by Brad, if Pastor Dale was busy.
Pick a candle, type a prayer, watch it light, join the Wall of Flames. Burns forever.
Every album as one download. Rap of Ages, White As Snow Vol. 1, Big JC Vol. 2, the Rap Battles, the Sermons, the Bonus CD, Live!, 99 Hail Marys. Zero salvation.
Every album, eternal life, and the whole secret rest of the website. Your Salvation Code comes with the receipt.
Pick a sin off the menu. Get a gaudy printable certificate with your name on it. Forgiveness sold separately.
Jump from caller #4,812 to caller #1. Or go Platinum: free skips forever, secret tracks, and a gold halo on your name.
Climb the board, smite the people above you, and watch every dollar bolt a new part onto the Prosper Five.
Be the life of the prayer breakfast. Cardstock. Eye holes. Teeth extra white. Filed under Saints, for tax reasons.
One size fits all foreheads. Wear it on your head or your right hand. Required to buy or sell anything in the Glory Ballroom.
One lucky believer wins $25,000 of miracle work from the Doctor. Lift, veneers, a forehead that never moves again. Drawing is live. Right now.
The same smile our associate pastor debuted in last week's infomercial. Book a consult with the Doctor on the Healing Line.
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The church, the jet, the choir, the fog machine, every song, and BIBLERAPS.COM itself. A real offer. Paid by wire.
Become an Honorary Co-Pilot of the Prosper Two. Type your name, print it, put it on the fridge. The first one is free. Pastor Dale is not getting a jet. He has four.
Want the real thing? Every album plus Salvation is $19.99 and comes with an actual receipt.