Four Eras of One Anointing
God called Dale four times. Each time, Dale asked how much. Same man, same mole, same cleft chin. Different hair, every decade.
The Snake-Oil Years
Young Dale crossed the Midwest in a wood-paneled station wagon selling Prosper's Miracle Tonic, a blend of tap water, cough syrup and "the Holy Ghost, by volume."
He healed a man's bad knee in Terre Haute. The man's knee was fine. The man was a cousin. The cousin was paid.
"I wasn't selling medicine. I was selling hope. And hope was eleven dollars a bottle."
The Satellite Tears Era
The Prosper Hour hit 400 stations. Dale cried on cue every Sunday at 10:42 AM, between the phone number and the second phone number.
He built a Christian water park, then a second water park to pay for the first. First Lady Glory joined the broadcast, and the hair got very large.
"The camera loves a sinner who says sorry. So I sinned on a schedule."
The Megachurch Boom
Dale moved the ministry to Hell, Michigan, because the land was cheap and the jokes were free. He cut a gold ribbon with gold scissors and opened the Dome.
He bought his first jet "for missions." The mission was Aspen. He bought the second jet to visit the first one.
"Jesus fed five thousand with five loaves. I seat sixteen thousand with zero refunds."
The Jet Kingpin Years
Today Pastor Dale leads Jacob's Ladder Megachurch from the Dome at The Cloud and from a hammock on Cay Prosper for 117 days a year. He cannot fly commercial. The demons are in coach.
He preaches traditional family values, three services a weekend, and leaves by the side door with Brad. He just bulldozed the old chapel for the Glory Ballroom. He passed the plate twice.
"The Lord wants you to prosper. He told me personally. I'm the one prospering. Do the math."
